Be Kind to Yourself

Am I a bit late with my New Year posting?!

You may not be surprised to hear that I feel sluggish in January, it takes me a while to come round after 2 weeks away from work. I completely switch off and enjoy the break. As a family we mainly share the tasks of Christmas, although I do heavily feature in the present buying department. We share housework, cooking, present wrapping and tidying up. I decided I wasn’t going to run myself into the ground taking on everything, not my idea of fun.

As I sit at my desk, I am taking my time to get motivated, I have my Himalayan salt lamp glowing away and my essential oils diffuser giving off lots of lovely scents of rosemary, peppermint and lemon – hoping it will help me with focus, concentration and memory! I have a Christmas voucher for a massage – all ready to be booked and enjoyed. I am not beating myself up about getting everything done this week. (The children only just went back to school today after all!) I spent yesterday creating a Vision Board with two colleagues – cutting and sticking lots of images and words that inspire me – I didn’t dwell on the whys and wherefores, I just got on with it and felt better for it.

I think what I am getting at is that I have spent a lot of time in the past making sure I had my survival package in place, a group of people I can call on in a professional capacity to get me through – therapists, business support professionals, coaches, yoga teachers etc – people I can rely upon, I don’t have to think too hard, I know I can contact them to get me through, whatever.

This is what the Choice Indulgence Evenings are all about – bringing together people you can call upon for support whenever you need it, as well as feeling pampered and looked after.

So join us for our next event at The KP Club, Pocklington for therapies, treatments, gorgeous products and supportive, interesting workshops. It could be the best 20 quid you spend this year. All treatments, workshops and a glass of fizz are included.

Line Up:
– Indian Head Massage or Arm/Hand Massage with Emma (Holistic Arts Yorkshire)
– Essential Oil Experience, try oils 3 ways with Tricia (Experience Essentials)
– Alexander technique session with Jane (Jane Clappison, Alexander Technique Therapy)
– Reiki session with Biddie (B Fitness & Wellbeing)
– Semi-permanent make up consultation with Lauren (Lauren Cook Micropigmentation)
– Acupuncture consultation with Lisa (Wolds Acupuncture)
– Kinesiology session with Claire (Bizvits)
– Skincare Consultation with Charlotte (The Beauty Room)
– Back, Neck, Shoulder Massage with Susannah (Susannah Stuart Massage)
– Magnetix Jewellery with Kate Bunney
– Jewellery Workshops with Helen (Silver & Stone Jewellery Design)
– Forever Living Products with Jane Jackson

Workshops:
‘Leaping the Oh Shit Dip’ a taster on how to get unstuck and live” with Siobhan & Tina
“How to create a stronger core and pelvic floor, and why it’s important?” with Biddie
“Using Kinesiology in your everyday life” with Claire

Juliet

Ticket Link: www.indulgencekp.eventbrite.co.uk

How does it feel?

Consider this, the school you go to already knows that you have issues around anxiety, low self-esteem, trauma and loss. You already have an education health care plan (what used to be called a statement) and receive a lot of support in school, you have outside long-term therapeutic help. Your psychological and mental health issues are widely known. In short you have difficulties maybe even disabilities.
and you are punished for them

How does that feel?!

Makes me feel a bit sick inside, turns my stomach, makes me feel upset, close to tears.

My Point

If you have a physical or external disability of difficulty, it is visible, hopefully, you make allowances, allow that person extra time to move around, allow that person extra time with accessing work, allow extra time with activities that require physical movement. That is the kind, sensible thing to do.

What happens if you have an ‘invisible’ or internal difficulty or disability (diagnosed or not)?

If you don’t understand it, you may think the person is strange, lazy, weird, naughty, attention seeking or weak……… and needs disciplining.

How does that feel?

Disciplining you, for your mental or psychological health difficulties, that somehow you can discipline difficulties out of people.

That makes me feel angry.

Imagine this, you are very fidgety, a new person has come into the classroom you do not know, you are on edge, frightened even. You begin to rock on your chair, you can’t stop, who are they, what are they going to do? You receive a detention for not sitting still…….for being annoying.

You are anxious, worried, scared – the answer – discipline!

Trauma, attachment, loss, depression, mental health difficulties are not understood in schools (or not enough).

That makes me feel at a loss, powerless and out of control – the answer– tell people, I am angry, and if you are going through the same, I get it and you.

I channel my anger by campaigning (when I can).

Imagine you look at your school planner, it is littered with negative notes. I wonder how that feels to look at it.

For many children they would ‘say’ you are:

  • Bad
  • Naughty
  • Not worthwhile
  • Confirms your already very negative self view
  • Your self esteem takes another knock
  • You self confidence is ‘shot at’

School and society needs to have a clearer understanding of the impact of difficult starts, attachment and the impact of multiple losses.

I understand schools need behavioural policies, need to help children understand the consequences of their actions, need to help them be valuable members of society and I support teachers and schools (having worked in one for 10 years). It’s hard.

Schools (and society) need to know that you CANNOT discipline psychological and mental health problems out of children. Kindness, understanding and forethought about handling anxiety, trauma and loss are needed.

Detention, Isolation, On-Report – think carefully about those words what do they remind you of?

They remind me of Prison!

Kindness and Understanding are the key.

If any of this resonates with you from any angle you can come along to my new support group in Acomb, York, there are links below.

Have a peaceful weekend
Juliet x

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The Concept of Belonging

I have been pondering the word ‘belonging’, what it means and how it feels.

I think as a solo business owner, it’s something I think about quite a lot. Where do I belong? Where do I fit in?

I’m not talking about niche or market sector or segment (although I do think about that sometimes!).

I’m talking about where you belong as a person and linked to that, what is my identity? how do I see myself? how do others see me?

I think we all need to feel we belong – we are part of clubs, societies, groups, classes, political affiliation, churches/religion, bands, associations, families and so on.

It is when we are cut adrift and are not sure where we belong, or start to question our belonging that feelings of isolation, loss or transition start to surface. Perhaps this is where new groups and classes evolve from. ‘I don’t fit in to what is available, so I am going to create my own group/class/tribe’.

If we are lonely or alone we are encouraged to join a club or class, everyone is keen for us to belong somewhere.

Meeting people is important, social interaction and where we belong changes as we move through life. I felt a strong sense of belonging when my children were in primary school and when they moved to secondary school I lost that interaction and sense of belonging.

I attend classes and clubs and I wonder “Are these my type of people?” “Do I belong here?” and I keep going, so I guess I do!

I go to Networking groups and have the same questions, but perhaps everyone is thinking the same.

I pondered what do people who are on the edge of society feel, they are marginalised, perhaps not cared about, don’t feel they belong. How do they cope?

It’s quite a heavy concept for a Monday morning (!), however, I wanted to think and reflect on belonging. I moved house a lot as a child and never really knew where I fitted in. Perhaps this is why I can relate to people who feel lost or outside some how.

As a business owner, you can pick and choose where you feel you belong. As a therapist I set up my groups for parents and business owners to attract people with similar goals to me and created my own sense of belonging and I hope they felt they belonged too.

Have a great week.

Juliet

PS. If you want to belong to one of my support groups or masterminding groups get in touch to find out about the next group and when it begins. If you love the concept of Power Brainstorming and want to test out your ideas in a supportive setting – click the link below.