Let Love be Your Energy

As the year is winding down, it has put me in reflective mood.

I caught the end of Radio 2’s ‘Pause for Thought’ this morning, I missed most of it, however, the contributor was summing up and said the words, “Let Love be Your Energy” and it struck me, this is what moves me forward. I have found untold strength and energy from the love of my adopted children, battled negativity from every turn – with the thought – I don’t care what you think of me – when it comes to my business, I just want people to take care of themselves, and for my family, I just want you to understand and consider how you treat people.

It feels like my business is always evolving, I change what I offer and sometimes who I work with. However, the common thread through everything I do is ‘support’. Working one to one with counselling clients, offering business support to therapeutic business owners, providing therapy mini-sessions through the Choice Indulgence Evening and running DIY Pamper Evenings and Parties. I feel like I will always be someone who is motivated and enthused by change and project work (perhaps why running events appeals to me). I will, however, always offer support.

Sometimes I forget about my extensive experience and wonder why I am good at what I do and why I like change. I think a little resume of my career explains this a little!

– Working in pubs and cafes as a student
– University Research
– Factory work
– Debt recovery
– Recruitment
– Customer Services Management
– Teaching ICT, Business Studies and Sociology in 3 different secondary schools plus mentoring new teachers
– Counsellor
– Events management

As well as my voluntary work as a Girl Guides Leader, working as a counsellor for the blind and partially sighted, working on a rape crisis help line, and mentoring ‘looked after’ children.

I’ve done a lot and I have moved around. Being self-employed has been the thing I have stuck at for the longest, mainly because I am in charge of my own destiny. I don’t have to answer to anyone (except the tax man) and if I don’t like what I do, I can change it!

So, let love be your energy, and it be the thing that motivates you.

Juliet x

Tickets: Choice Indulgence Evening, 7 February, 7:00pm – 9:30pm, The KP , Pocklington
Choice Indulgence Evening, 14 March, 7:00pm – 9:30pm, Middlethorpe Hall & Spa, York

Use Every Tool You Have

I had a small ‘win’ this week, I am wary of blowing my own trumpet, but I see it as a useful situation to learn from and hopefully it helps others.

Some of you that already know me or have followed my blog, Facebook pages etc will know as well as being a counsellor and events organiser that I campaign from a personal stand on attachment and trauma. I firmly believe that if large institutions and organisations had an understanding of attachment and trauma, many, many people’s lives would be a lot easier.

My particular campaign has been a personal one, insisting that schools have understanding and training in these areas and in particular my own children’s schools.

I set off at the beginning of year 7, noticing that things weren’t going as well as they might. It was instinctive for me to start talking to the school, the SENCo, the form tutor, subject teachers and the head of year, try and create understanding, get them to think differently about behaviour and punishment, get them to realise what they were doing was counter-productive, punitive and possibly unkind. Those I spoke to did, on the whole, listen, accommodated my requests for meetings, took the books I offered to lend them. I did ruffle feathers and cause upset, I was asked to stop doing things. The staff were wary of me, but I figured I wasn’t going to change anyone’s thinking by charm alone!

So I used every tool I had at my disposal (I didn’t know that at the time) I used every aspect of my personality, got advice and help, laughed, cried, shouted, blogged, stayed calm, got mad, but most of all I kept on going, every time I was put off or knocked back I took stock, sat back and re-fueled my engine. It felt like a fight, a fight for understanding, a fight for my children and others like them. I wasn’t going to let them down, or let us down.

I got to the end of the year and I still felt misunderstood, not entirely listened to, felt like nothing had changed and had to use the final tool I had available and it felt risky and possibly ill-advised, was this really time to play my ace? (I did take advice from a number of professionals). I threatened to remove my child from the school (and meant it), this could have back-fired, we could have fallen flat on our faces.

The opposite happened, a few chinks of light appeared, some understanding appeared, some care and love appeared, some from unexpected quarters.

I was asked if I wanted to go in to the school on the training day and speak to a room full of teaching assistants about attachment and trauma. I was extremely pleased to do so and extremely thankful to the member of staff who invited me in (I gather it is pretty unusual for this to happen).

However, the fight is not over, but hopefully progress is being made.

My tip to you, if you are going through something similar is to be tenacious, have a goal in mind, get help and advice from wherever you can and most all do what you do with love and understanding.

I am an experienced counsellor. I work with parents on issues related to attachment, loss and anxiety. I also work generally with anxiety using a combined therapeutic approach with all adults. Please contact me for chat.

Have a great week.

Juliet x

An Insight into Physical Pain

A bit of a turnabout

Yes, I’ve had a different perspective.

Quite often I blog about the impact of emotional pain on the body. However, I’ve had some personal insight, just a glimmer, a small realisation of what it might be like in the reverse situation – the impact of physical pain on mental health and the emotions. An insight of what it might be like to be elderly or have long term physical illness.And it is just that, an insight, I tore a calf muscle while doing fitness training, a sudden injury which floored me (literally).

I know it will get better, I know I can rest, have physio and massages to help me.

For a while I had to use crutches, had to hop or walk on tip toes, couldn’t drive, run or stretch. I felt pain, I felt helpless, I couldn’t look after myself or my family as I usually do. They couldn’t get used to it and nor could I.

I was stuck inside, couldn’t really go anywhere and it dawned on me that these feelings were common in those who were/are physically ill in the longer term, only much more so. In that short time, I began to feel very low, misunderstood and not supported and tried to explain to people that even though I looked ok (except for a limp) I didn’t feel ok.

I run my own business, I had to cancel events and work as I couldn’t get to them. However, I had to get going quite quickly otherwise my business would falter and I was riddled with guilt that I was letting others down.

So why have I written about this, just to say ‘I get it’, even though it was comparatively brief, I got a sharp reminder of what others feel who are incapacitated for whatever reason. I have worked as a counsellor with the elderly and those with disabilities, I felt empathy and supported them in a variety of ways, now I have some real insight.

For all those people who are suffering long term injury or illness, I really admire you getting through every day and still trying so hard to work or help others in a wide variety of ways.

You are all in my thoughts
Juliet x

Have we all got a book in us?

I started writing a book…..

Many of us think we have a book in us, I certainly do. However, to write a book requires a tremendous amount of time, dedication, thought and most importantly emotional energy.

I didn’t get past half a chapter or so, however, I am proud of what I did write and I certainly found it cathartic and thought provoking.

I thought it might make an interesting series of short blogs. The emphasis is upon looking after ourselves. We have to ensure we are “fit enough” to manage our work and family life. Driving ourselves to burnout helps absolutely nobody.

Here is an introduction I wrote around 12 months ago:

“There’s an event. a catalyst in your life, some bad news, a diagnosis, something from the past re-appears. It floors you – how do you cope? Where do you turn? Who do you turn to?

For me it was a piece of overwhelming news the type that sends you on a seemingly never ending downward spiral. Anger, dismay and deep, debilitating sadness. Something that feels unrecoverable from. My view of the world changed.

No one will understand, no one wants to hear such news.

But here I am happy, running a business and very proud of my family, five years on from that terrifying news.

What did I do to support myself and my family? I subconsciously created my support package and you can too…..”

Just from this short introduction you can start to see why I feel the work I do and in particular the Indulgence Evenings are so important to me. I offer you choices on how to support yourself through whatever you are going through. They evening is about indulgence, however, for me the therapies and treatments are about support and at times survival.

I have and do use all these therapies and more at times. Many of the therapists and practitioners I have worked with, I found them supportive, helpful and I enjoyed working with them.

Come along and meet them (and me if you haven’t already, I am doing a mini-workshop on Emotional Intelligence on the evening).

GET YOUR TICKET
Pssst, as I always do, I have 5 extra special half price tickets for you lovely people, this offer ends on Sunday night at 11:30pm.

I look forward to welcoming you.

 Juliet x

What is Theraplay and how can it help?

A few weeks ago I mentioned to some friends that within my family we used Theraplay and it created some interest. I was asked What is Theraplay? Who uses it? Would it be useful for me?

(I wrote this piece originally for the readers and contributors of Mumbler)

As the term suggests it is play that is therapeutic for both the children and the adults. As a family we used it to build attachment, improve relationships and allow us to become more ‘attuned’ as parents, children and a family.

What is it?

“Theraplay is an engaging, playful, relationship-focused treatment method that is interactive, physical and fun. It is based on attachment theory and it aims to create or improve healthy, attuned interaction between parents and their children. It supports healthy attachment and lifelong mental health”. It can help children from the very young (even under 3 years old) into teenage years.

Before I go any further, Theraplay is a registered therapeutic technique, a tried and tested therapeutic method used since the 1970’s. People train to be Play Therapists and work in hospitals, schools and the home.

I adopted the use of Theraplay techniques within my family to support us, keep us together, improve our relationships and to help us feel ‘close’, AND it helped and greatly improved our family life which was approaching breaking point. I was determined, consistent and disciplined. I did not want our family to fall apart.

Who can benefit from Theraplay?

The Theraplay institute say “it can help children who are withdrawn, passive, depressed, overactive or aggressive, children on the autism spectrum and those who are afraid of relating or attaching because of adoption, losses or trauma”. In summary it can help and support many children and families.

How did we use it?

Prior to my children being placed with us (they are adopted) I had not heard of Theraplay, why would I? The first I heard of it, we had a psychologist visit us at home to listen to us and suggest some ways to help us as a family. It was a flying visit, she came for an hour and sat in our front room. The one small gem I took away from that visit was that there was something called Theraplay and I could buy a book with techniques that could help us.

“Theraplay – Helping Parents and Children Build Better Relationships Through Attachment-Based Play by Phyllis B. Booth & Ann M. Jefferson”

There is a lot of theory in the book, case studies, ways to use it with ADHD, Autism, Adopted Children etc

I wanted to get on and try it out, the exercises and activities and we had great fun!

Jumping, blowing, clapping, tickling, drawing, measuring, bursting out of toilet paper, punching newspapers, singing, acting, massaging each others hands and feet, playing Simon says and Mother May I? etc etc. Perhaps some of those games and activities that you have already played/done with your children many times. We were all learning from scratch and the book explained why we were doing it, what purpose it served, what to look out for, which activities were better for the child etc. When I ran out of ideas, I grabbed the book and we tried other activities and the children came to know that if I was reading this book (and another I have) that fun and games would ensue!

My view is quite profound – it saved our family, kept us together, made life manageable while we were waiting for more help. It meant we could look back on some of those challenging times with some affection, through the difficulties those fun games stuck out. I remember the jumping on cushions and ‘find the sweetie’ games so fondly.

It could be a technique that could help you but be aware the book is not cheap and is aimed at therapists. I used about 50 pages of a 600 page book. There are other books we used though that also helped – in particular “Self Esteem Games by Barbara Sher” and its ‘sister’ book “Attention Games by Barbara Sher”.

I guess what I want people to get from this, that there are choices, options, things you can try. Getting hold of therapists for children and teenagers can be tricky (and expensive) but if you have the energy there is a way forward, while you are waiting for professional help or maybe, just maybe you won’t need it after all you’ve done.

Be brave, bold and believe you can improve your family life.

Juliet Powell

I work with parents, supporting with everything that parenting throws at us in life. From practical strategies to counselling support.

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I offer pamper events, parties and workshops using natural products and essential oils to bring people together and support them for parents and children (age 10 upwards).

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