How does it feel?

Consider this, the school you go to already knows that you have issues around anxiety, low self-esteem, trauma and loss. You already have an education health care plan (what used to be called a statement) and receive a lot of support in school, you have outside long-term therapeutic help. Your psychological and mental health issues are widely known. In short you have difficulties maybe even disabilities.
and you are punished for them

How does that feel?!

Makes me feel a bit sick inside, turns my stomach, makes me feel upset, close to tears.

My Point

If you have a physical or external disability of difficulty, it is visible, hopefully, you make allowances, allow that person extra time to move around, allow that person extra time with accessing work, allow extra time with activities that require physical movement. That is the kind, sensible thing to do.

What happens if you have an ‘invisible’ or internal difficulty or disability (diagnosed or not)?

If you don’t understand it, you may think the person is strange, lazy, weird, naughty, attention seeking or weak……… and needs disciplining.

How does that feel?

Disciplining you, for your mental or psychological health difficulties, that somehow you can discipline difficulties out of people.

That makes me feel angry.

Imagine this, you are very fidgety, a new person has come into the classroom you do not know, you are on edge, frightened even. You begin to rock on your chair, you can’t stop, who are they, what are they going to do? You receive a detention for not sitting still…….for being annoying.

You are anxious, worried, scared – the answer – discipline!

Trauma, attachment, loss, depression, mental health difficulties are not understood in schools (or not enough).

That makes me feel at a loss, powerless and out of control – the answer– tell people, I am angry, and if you are going through the same, I get it and you.

I channel my anger by campaigning (when I can).

Imagine you look at your school planner, it is littered with negative notes. I wonder how that feels to look at it.

For many children they would ‘say’ you are:

  • Bad
  • Naughty
  • Not worthwhile
  • Confirms your already very negative self view
  • Your self esteem takes another knock
  • You self confidence is ‘shot at’

School and society needs to have a clearer understanding of the impact of difficult starts, attachment and the impact of multiple losses.

I understand schools need behavioural policies, need to help children understand the consequences of their actions, need to help them be valuable members of society and I support teachers and schools (having worked in one for 10 years). It’s hard.

Schools (and society) need to know that you CANNOT discipline psychological and mental health problems out of children. Kindness, understanding and forethought about handling anxiety, trauma and loss are needed.

Detention, Isolation, On-Report – think carefully about those words what do they remind you of?

They remind me of Prison!

Kindness and Understanding are the key.

If any of this resonates with you from any angle you can come along to my new support group in Acomb, York, there are links below.

Have a peaceful weekend
Juliet x

Website

Facebook Event

What if?!

With just one to week until the brand new Parent Support group in Acomb, York, I am really looking forward to meeting you.

There are quite a few parent support groups out there but many of them are for a specific reason such as parents with a child with a disability or particular need etc.

What if you just want some support with parenting?

What if you just want to talk to other parents because you find parenting bloomin’ hard?

What if you are unsure about what support you need?

What if your child or children are in secondary school and you have lost touch a bit?

(and many other ‘what if’ questions!!)

Come along to a friendly, welcoming atmosphere, where you will get a smile, a cuppa and asked what do you need or want from a support group.

Details:
Thursday 30th March
1pm – 3pm
Friends Meeting House, The Green, Acomb, York, YO26 5LR
£5 per person

Click the buttons below to find out more and reserve your place.

Passionate parent!
Juliet

Website

Reserve Your Place (£5 per person)

The Concept of Belonging

I have been pondering the word ‘belonging’, what it means and how it feels.

I think as a solo business owner, it’s something I think about quite a lot. Where do I belong? Where do I fit in?

I’m not talking about niche or market sector or segment (although I do think about that sometimes!).

I’m talking about where you belong as a person and linked to that, what is my identity? how do I see myself? how do others see me?

I think we all need to feel we belong – we are part of clubs, societies, groups, classes, political affiliation, churches/religion, bands, associations, families and so on.

It is when we are cut adrift and are not sure where we belong, or start to question our belonging that feelings of isolation, loss or transition start to surface. Perhaps this is where new groups and classes evolve from. ‘I don’t fit in to what is available, so I am going to create my own group/class/tribe’.

If we are lonely or alone we are encouraged to join a club or class, everyone is keen for us to belong somewhere.

Meeting people is important, social interaction and where we belong changes as we move through life. I felt a strong sense of belonging when my children were in primary school and when they moved to secondary school I lost that interaction and sense of belonging.

I attend classes and clubs and I wonder “Are these my type of people?” “Do I belong here?” and I keep going, so I guess I do!

I go to Networking groups and have the same questions, but perhaps everyone is thinking the same.

I pondered what do people who are on the edge of society feel, they are marginalised, perhaps not cared about, don’t feel they belong. How do they cope?

It’s quite a heavy concept for a Monday morning (!), however, I wanted to think and reflect on belonging. I moved house a lot as a child and never really knew where I fitted in. Perhaps this is why I can relate to people who feel lost or outside some how.

As a business owner, you can pick and choose where you feel you belong. As a therapist I set up my groups for parents and business owners to attract people with similar goals to me and created my own sense of belonging and I hope they felt they belonged too.

Have a great week.

Juliet

PS. If you want to belong to one of my support groups or masterminding groups get in touch to find out about the next group and when it begins. If you love the concept of Power Brainstorming and want to test out your ideas in a supportive setting – click the link below.

Motivational Interviewing in Business

You may have heard of it, but what is it?

Quite simply, it’s a method that works on facilitating and engaging motivation within an individual in order to change behaviour.

It’s used a lot in medical and counselling settings as the professional has some time to build a relationship with their client or patient. I can see applications elsewhere. It is a technique which is non-confrontational, and non-judgmental.

How could it be used in business?

My thoughts are that if you regularly work with clients or customers you can implement some of the principles. The aim of your dealings and encounters is to bring about ‘change talk’ and make positive changes to improve their life, it is about encouraging people to make their own changes (who really changes things for the better when told or forced to!). Many people are afraid of change and may well weigh up the pros and cons of doing so (if you are lucky).

Today I am going to give you a taster of some of the questions you could ask to get the people you work with and deal with start to think about their behaviour:

How might you like things to be different?

How does —– interfere with things you would like to do?

What would life be like in ‘x’ years/months if you don’t change the way you do things?

Quite often this type of questioning does not elicit immediate change but does plant the seed for thought and start to get that person thinking about their behaviour.

Interested to find out more?
Want to build a relationship with clients where you can elicit positive change?
Want to take away ideas and techniques of how to apply this in your business/life?

This seminar takes place at Pure Zest just outside York A19 near the A64. Reserve your place using the link below.

Juliet

CLICK HERE TO BOOK

On a Mission

Some of you may know that regardless of my business, I am on a mission.

“To gain understanding, fair treatment and equality of opportunity for children and young people with mental health and psychological issues and aid their wellbeing. I do this by supporting and empowering parents.”

This mission comes from a place of striving on behalf of my own children, the constant advocating, explaining and advising that goes on when you have children with complex psychological issues. The external appearance of everything looking ok, coupled with my knowledge that not everything is ok and my children are in distress.

Bearing this in mind, I was very pleased when I received an email from Sarah Thorpe at Sine FM in Doncaster, I think she has been keeping an eye on my Facebook page and website and as she re-launches her Modern Families monthly radio show, she invited me into discuss issues very close to my heart and my business. She is a counsellor too and works with young people and families and we seemed to have a lot in common.

The programme goes to air on Thursday 2nd February at 12pm on Sine FM, if I don’t manage to share it here I will post it on my Facebook pages and website as soon as I get a copy of the recording.

I will share my thoughts on 4 different questions she asked over 4 blogs in the coming weeks.

My thoughts on the main concerns for children’s
mental health & wellbeing

Of course there are many, however, the main ones that come up time and again at workshops and sessions I run are:

– The fact that we live in an increasingly pressurised society where there is more testing for children in schools, more exposure to the media generally resulting in children becoming anxious and stressed about a multitude of issues.

– Without fail, the issue of social media and mobile devices is of great concern to parents particularly those aged 10 years and upwards. Young people drawing their self esteem from the number of friends or followers they have, the number of likes they receive etc etc. The issue of not leaving problems with school or friendships at the school gate, they follow you home and the arguments can continue late into the evening.

– The issue that mental health issues and psychological distress are not spotted or diagnosed and parents waiting and fighting just for recognition for months and years.

– The lack of professional services or the withdrawing of funding for vital services leaving parents with few options, resulting in them feeling isolated and desperate.
What are your thoughts? Please share them.

Next week I share my thoughts on what needs to change and how we can focus more on wellbeing for our children. 

Below are links for further information on my parent support group and events to support parents.

Have a good week
Juliet x

Parent Support Group
Wellness Events